


breathing in

by groundopenwide



Series: Rainy Zurich [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-11 15:58:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/groundopenwide/pseuds/groundopenwide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>A minute passes, then another, and Sebastian's thumb has stopped to rest against Nick's life line, a gentle, unyielding pressure that warms Nick all the way through.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	breathing in

A week later, it finally snows, and Nick has to forgo his slippers in favor of a pair of boots as he shrugs into his sweatshirt and heads out of the dorms on Friday morning. Sebastian is already waiting for him on the steps outside, hair tucked into his cap and fingers covered by a set of thin gloves. He greets Nick with a tiny smile and a murmured _hey_ , and despite the below freezing temperature, Nick feels warm down to his toes. He knocks Sebastian's elbow gently with his own once he's close enough, and then they set off down the white-dusted path, the campus silent around them.

Over the past few days, this has become their routine. Nick had emerged from Wilson Hall on the first morning to be surprised by the sight of Sebastian, decked in a gray fleece and sweatpants as he leaned against the stair railing out front. Sebastian hadn't offered an explanation, just a short wave and a nervous grin before accompanying Nick on his usual walk. They spoke about everything and nothing, just like the previous morning, and Nick had discovered that Sebastian was allergic to strawberries and that he'd once had a pet guinea pig named Chester. They shared Sebastian's headphones over breakfast, the soft sounds of  _Mumford and Sons_  washing over them as Nick sipped his coffee and Sebastian dug into a plate of pancakes.

And now, here they are.

It's the last full day of classes before finals start the following week, and if it were any other time of the day, Nick would be stressing about the huge amounts of studying he has to do. However, it's still impossibly early, the sky blanketed by thick clouds and the air frigid and clear as Nick inhales, and he can't find it within himself to worry just yet. That's the beauty of the morning, though- he doesn't have to.

"Are you doing anything over break?" Sebastian asks after awhile, and Nick places his hands into the pocket of his hoodie before responding, his eyes scanning the snow-buried grass around them.

"Just going home. My mom always invites over a bunch of family for the holidays, so they usually keep me occupied," he replies, and when he glances over at Sebastian, the other boy appears thoughtful, his lips pursed slightly. Nick finds himself inquiring, "do you have any plans?"

Sebastian shakes his head slowly, his gaze tracking their footsteps as they appear in the snow below. "Not really. My family isn't...big on Christmas."

Based on what Sebastian's told him thus far, his family isn't really "big" on anything, what with one parent in France and the other working 24/7. Nick almost feels bad, though he'd never admit it to the other boy, because he knows that Sebastian wouldn't appreciate the pity. Either way, there's something about the way that Sebastian's shoulders slump as they discuss their Christmas plans that has Nick speaking before he can stop himself.

"Bellefontaine isn't that far from Westerville, so if you ever want company or something..." He shrugs hesitantly, and the offer hangs in the air between them. Sebastian is silent, but Nick takes the quiet to mean that he understands and leaves it at that. He knows that Sebastian isn't used to accepting concern, or even general acts of kindness, but the fact that he doesn't snap back in reply is proof enough that he's slowly adjusting to Nick's presence.

They trudge the rest of the way to the dining hall, Sebastian peeling off his gloves as soon as they step inside, and Nick breathes in the scent of fresh food unabashedly. Their trays are filled within minutes, and then they are seated at one of the many empty tables, the discomfort from earlier having all but disappeared. Sebastian dumps a copious amount of syrup onto his plate, and Nick mocks him for it even as Sebastian points out that he is spreading peanut butter, of all things, across his own waffle. They set Sebastian's iPhone to the latest  _Coldplay_  album, and Nick hums along to "Paradise" before launching into a spiel about how Chris Martin in an elephant suit is artistic genius. The conversation continues from there, and it is just like every other morning that week. Nick revels in it.

*

By the time finals are over, Nick is exhausted. He and Sebastian had postponed their morning plans indefinitely in favor of sleep, and Nick sees little of the other boy until that last afternoon, when he is drearily climbing the stairs to Wilson Hall. He has the goal of taking a nap before driving the forty-five minutes home, and just the thought of his bed has him stumbling slightly as he moves down the hall. The numbers pass by in a blur, and when he finally reaches the room he shares with Jeff, he practically throws open the door in relief. Collapsing onto his mattress, Nick immediately curls up into a ball and dozes off, his tie tangled loosely around his neck.

He comes to a few hours later as a hand shakes him awake, and when he blinks his eyes open, Sebastian is crouched in front of him, an amused expression on his face. His palm is on Nick's shoulder, and he chuckles quietly when Nick grunts and moves to sit up, his fingers running through his hair in an attempt to make it presentable.

"Time's it?" Nick mumbles, and Sebastian straightens up from the floor before responding.

"Almost six. Jeff had to leave awhile ago, so he let me in to make sure you were alive." Sebastian shoots him a wry grin, and Nick simply grunts, his fingers drowsily unwinding the tie from around his neck.

"Why're you still here?" He asks absently, rubbing the grit from his eyes and climbing to his feet. Sebastian doesn't answer, instead heading over to Nick's closet and rummaging around until he emerges with Nick's duffel. He tosses the bag over to Nick in a motion that obviously means  _get moving_ , and even in Nick's half-conscious state, Sebastian's avoidance gives him the sudden impression that maybe the other boy isn't planning on leaving Dalton at all.

He manages to catch the bag against his chest, and moves over towards his dresser to empty some clothes into it while speaking. "You know, I'm sure my mom wouldn't mind having another able-bodied man in the house." His tone remains casual, eyes staying forcefully on his hands as he loads a few t-shirts into his bag so that he can't assess Sebastian's reaction. The only sign that he's been heard is the soft pad of Sebastian's footsteps across the hardwood floor a few seconds later, and then his hand is on Nick's elbow, urging him to turn around.

"You don't have to do that," Sebastian mutters. His gaze is searching, yet hesitant, as if he wants to accept the offer but some part of him just won't allow him to. Nick pulls in a deep breath and wills his expression to stay neutral, shoulders lifting in the most nonchalant of shrugs.

"It'll give me an ally against my psychotic relatives. A win-win situation for all parties involved," he explains, and he can see the moment when the resistance leaves Sebastian. His shoulders loosen, and the corner of his mouth tips up into a smile that has Nick grinning crookedly in return. He lifts his bag slightly and nods his head towards the door, saying, "guess you'd better go pack."

*

Nick's mother is thrilled, to say the least. She begins to fawn over Sebastian the minute they walk through the door that evening, asking him all about his time at Dalton, his involvement with the Warblers, and his hobbies outside of school. Thankfully, she doesn't bring up the topic of Sebastian's family, for which Nick is grateful. His father merely greets Sebastian with a firm handshake, and Nick's younger brother Ethan looks up at their new arrival with a sort of wide-eyed awe. Overall, the introductions go smoothly, and Nick's mother eventually leaves them to eat their re-heated dinner in peace. Sebastian's cheeks are flushed, but he only looks a tad bit overwhelmed, so Nick counts it as a success.

"Wait 'till you meet my cousins. The girls will go crazy over you," he says around a mouthful of chicken and rice. Sebastian raises an eyebrow warily, his fork poised halfway to his mouth.

"How many of them are there?" He asks carefully.

"Seven. All between the ages of nine and twenty. You're in for a treat," Nick replies, and Sebastian groans aloud, causing Nick to snort out a laugh.

"They're actually not that bad, though they will be all over you for the first hour or so. I've never brought a friend around during the holidays before."

Sebastian's head tilts thoughtfully to the side before he murmurs, "not even Jeff?"

Nick takes a sip from his water glass and shakes his head. "Nope. Jeff's family always heads out to the mountains for Christmas, so he's never around."

He watches as a variety of emotions flash across Sebastian's face, ranging from surprise to confusion to guilt. His fork traces circles through the food on his plate, and the self-doubt is already evident in his eyes, leaving Nick to sigh and nudge Sebastian's foot lightly beneath the table to regain his attention.

"Quit it, alright? I promise that this isn't because I feel bad for you. I genuinely want you around, and so does my family, so get over yourself," he states. Sebastian huffs softly, but the uncertainty slowly drains from his features and leaves a grateful expression in its wake.

"Thanks," he mumbles, and Nick nods.

"Don't mention it."

*

The rest of his extended family arrives two days later, and Nick sets up the air mattress on his own bedroom floor since there aren't enough guest rooms for Sebastian to have his own space. Sure enough, all of Nick's cousins immediately squeal and attach themselves to Sebastian's side, and Nick looks on in amusement as Sebastian charms his way through each and every one of them, never once failing to bask in the attention.

It's sort of nice to have a friend around, a person to talk to when the rest of his family gets to be too much. Nick and Sebastian often find themselves waking before the rest of the house and heading out into the snow in the early hours of the day, strolling around the neighborhood as if it just a typical morning back at Dalton. Sebastian regales him with tales of his escapades back in Paris, and Nick rambles on about his relatives and all of the insane things that have taken place over the years. This is probably what leads to his mother pulling out old photo albums over dessert that night, smothering Sebastian with stories of Nick's childhood while Nick's face turns a striking shade of red and Sebastian laughs and mouths the word  _karma_  across the table to him. Meanwhile, his cousins start in on a round of ridiculously loud Christmas carols, and soon Sebastian is being dragged into begrudgingly singing along as Nick follows his grandfather over to the piano and helps him with a rendition of  _The First Noel_.

Normally, Nick would be horribly embarrassed by his family's cheesy, clichéd actions, but the pleased look on Sebastian's face only has him feeling glad this his relatives are as insane as they are.

Christmas Eve eventually arrives, and the house is a flurry of activity and last-minute wrapping. Sebastian and Nick are the last ones awake, Nick putting the finishing touches on his gift for Ethan as they sit cross legged at the foot of the Christmas tree. The lights that are wrapped amongst the tree's branches cast the room in a soft glow, and Sebastian has a mug of hot chocolate clutched between both hands as he watches Nick work, the clock on the opposite side of the room reading just past one in the morning.

Nick presses the last pieces of tape into place and then adds the gift to the piles of boxes already beneath the tree before looking back at Sebastian with a satisfied grin. The other boy is shaking his head, fingers reaching up to scratch aimlessly at the collar of his Dalton lacrosse t-shirt, and Nick takes the distraction as an opportunity to pluck one of the marshmallows from Sebastian's drink and pop it into his mouth.

"Get your own," Sebastian grumbles, and Nick swallows the offending object before laughing.

"Sorry," he mutters, completely unapologetic.

Sebastian just huffs out a breath, then looks away, his gaze traveling absently about the room. Nick watches as he examines the ornaments on the tree in front of them, the stockings hung on the mantle and the framed photographs on the walls. He has the distinct sense that Sebastian's never really experienced Christmas like this before, and the thought has Nick growing somewhat somber. No one should have to miss out on the holidays.

"Oh!" He remembers suddenly, crawling around the back side of the tree and digging around for a moment. "I almost forgot."

Nick emerges a minute later with a small box in his hands, which he diligently passes over to Sebastian, whose eyebrows are furrowed in slight disbelief. He stares down at the package, then looks back at Nick, his mouth opening, closing, and opening again.

"I didn't get you anything," he murmurs weakly, and Nick rolls his eyes.

"You really think I care? It's nothing huge. Just open it."

Sebastian looks as if he is about to protest again, but Nick simply narrows his eyes and waves a hand towards the box in Sebastian's lap. A beat passes until the boy hesitantly begins to tear the paper away, opening the box in the most cautious manner possible and staring down at its contents.

"A new beanie," Sebastian chuckles, and Nick just offers him a sheepish smile, his fingers twisting together nervously.

"You're always wearing that same one, so I figured..." He trails off, and Sebastian laughs again before tugging the hat down over his ears and adjusting it so that only a few tufts of hair stick out in the back.

"Well, I like it. So thanks." Sebastian grins, and all Nick can do is grin back, his eyes caught on the way Sebastian's teeth glint under the glare of the Christmas tree lights.

"Can I ask you something?" He questions quietly.

"Isn't that all you usually do?" Sebastian retorts, and Nick shoves good-naturedly at his shoulder. "Alright, alright. Yes, I suppose you can ask me a question."

Nick takes a long moment to ponder over the words in his mind, searching for the proper way to phrase what he wants to know. He doesn't want to come across as intrusive; he is simply curious, but the question is one that they've danced around briefly before, and he doesn't want it to seem like he is searching for a reason to judge Sebastian. Finally, he decides to just come right out with it, and asks, "what were you doing up that morning?"

It had been less than two weeks earlier, and yet, it almost feels like it's been an eternity since that first day, when Nick stumbled across a quiet and pensive Sebastian in the dining hall. He's discovered so much about the other boy that probably never would have been revealed if it weren't for those early hours, when there had been no one else around and no reason for Sebastian to keep his shields in place. And now, Nick is dying to know why Sebastian had been up in the first place, what had led them to that morning together.

He observes carefully as Sebastian looks down and examines his fingers in a distracted manner, picking at the end of his thumbnail. After a long moment, he finally mutters, "the anniversary of my sister's death was the day before. I just...couldn't sleep."

His tone is nonchalant, but Nick can see the pain that spreads minutely across his features, and he instantly feels guilty. How could he have known? "I'm sorry," he breathes.

"Everyone is," Sebastian shrugs, his gaze never leaving his hands as he continues to pick at his cuticles. He appears strikingly vulnerable as he attempts to maintain his collected attitude, despite the obvious effect the mention of his sister is having on him.

Still, Nick has to ask. "Do you mind if I—"

"You want to know when?" Sebastian cuts him off, and Nick manages a jerky nod, even though the boy across from him has yet to look up. "I was ten, she was fourteen. Leukemia."

Nick's not quite sure why the revelation surprises him. It's been evident from the start that Sebastian had his issues—nobody was cruel or manipulative without a true reason, at least in his opinion—but the fact that it was because of such a devastating loss leaves Nick slightly dumbstruck. He can't think of anything to say, because he knows the apologies and the forced sympathy are meaningless by now. Still, he hates the downturn of Sebastian's mouth, the way his eyes grow slightly unfocused as he turns to gaze out the window across the living room. The sight causes something inside of Nick's chest to clench uncomfortably.

"Thank you. For telling me," Nick says quietly.

Sebastian finally seems to come back to himself, his eyes finding Nick's in the darkness, and he nods almost imperceptibly. A silence falls over them, and Nick aches to fill it, but he's said enough as it is. Instead, he just gazes across at Sebastian, taking in the elegant slope of his nose and his mussed hair that sticks out from beneath the edges of his cap. Two weeks ago, he'd been no less than an utter mystery, and now, Nick knows so much about Sebastian that he almost doesn't know what to do with the information. The contrast is striking, from the cool, distant Sebastian of before to now, and for a moment, Nick is hit by just how truly lucky he is to have  _this_  version of Sebastian sitting with him, spending the holidays at his house and with his family.

He clears his throat to shake off the strange thoughts and the churning in his stomach and murmurs, "we should head up soon."

Sebastian is already climbing gracefully to his feet, and he reaches out a hand to help Nick up. They grasp palms, and then Nick is at eye level with Sebastian's shoulder, but he swiftly turns around and heads for the stairs. The house around them is quiet, the heater buzzing softly from within, and their footsteps pad along the carpeted floor as they make their way to Nick's bedroom. The air mattress rests in the middle of the small space, half-deflated and blankets strewn about, and Sebastian makes his way over to it without complaint. Meanwhile, Nick slips into his own bed, no words passing between them.

Something uncertain hovers in the air, and Nick tries his best to ignore it. He doesn't know what Sebastian is thinking, if he senses it, too, but he doesn't ask. He rotates to face the wall and listens to the rustle and movement of the air mattress as Sebastian shifts around to get comfortable, his eyes quickly slipping shut as the exhaustion catches up to him, but he also doesn't miss the "merry Christmas" Sebastian mumbles into the silence of the room.

*

Heading back to school a week later is a wakeup call of sorts. They spend the remaining days at Nick's house saying their goodbyes to his relatives, his aunt and cousins absolutely  _insisting_  that Sebastian return the following year, to which Sebastian just laughs and gives one of his flattered smiles.

 _We'll see,_ is all he says, and Nick watches on in part amusement, part nostalgia. He finds himself latching onto the idea of Sebastian coming back next year, and the next (and the years after that). But he swallows past the yearning and hugs his family dutifully, waving goodbye as they pull out of the driveway.

The house is strangely quiet after that, and Nick and Sebastian take up residence on the couch, watching old  _Scrubs_  re-runs and eating the refrigerator clean of leftovers from Christmas dinner. At one point, Sebastian manages to dump a glob of potatoes onto his shirt, which results in Nick's incessant laughter and the smearing of gravy across his own pantleg by Sebastian in retaliation. They talk about their upcoming classes, the Warblers' chances at Regionals, and college worries. Sebastian admits that he's hoping for an acceptance letter into Yale, and Nick responds with the hesitant news that he's banking on scholarships being offered from a few smaller schools. Sebastian, thankfully, doesn't judge him (not that he'd expected anything less), and simply asks questions like  _what schools?_  and  _do you have a major in mind yet?_  Their discussions about the future do earn a slight bout of anxiety from Nick, but he finds that the thought of leaving for college is slowly growing less and less intimidating as they share their plans with one another.

It's...nice.

One morning, just as Nick and Sebastian are climbing silently down the stairs around five o'clock, Ethan emerges from his bedroom with one fist scrubbing at his eye. He sleepily demands to know where they're going, and then insists on tagging along, to which Nick rolls his eyes but then helps his brother into his jacket and shoes and leads the way outside. Ethan comes to full consciousness almost as soon as they head out into the cool morning air, and he immediately clings to Sebastian and begins to pester him with conversation. The three of them walk along the snow-covered sidewalks, Sebastian and then Ethan and then Nick, and all Nick can do is gaze on in amusement as Sebastian ruffles his little brother's hair and patiently responds to all of his inquiries.

At one point, Ethan asks, "don't you miss your own family?"

Nick inhales a sharp breath, suddenly unsure. His brother obviously doesn't mean anything by the question, but he can already see the slight tightening in Sebastian's jaw and the lowering of his head. He scrambles to diffuse the situation and begins to murmur, "Ethan-"

"Actually," Sebastian interrupts after a moment, and Nick looks over at him in shock. Their eyes meet, and Sebastian appears to be strikingly calm, his mouth, in fact, beginning to curl up at the corners. Nick blinks, and then Sebastian continues to speak. "I love my family and all, but I think you guys might be even cooler."

Ethan beams proudly and goes onto interrogate Sebastian some more, but Nick still catches the wink Sebastian sends over his brother's head, and it instantly puts a satisfied grin on his face.

Once they return to school, it's hard for Nick not to glance over at Sebastian and see  _that_  boy, the one who'd played into the whims of his nine-year-old kid brother and sang Christmas carols with his extended family, who decorated snowman cookies and wandered around the house in mismatched socks. It's even harder not to wish he could always just have _that_  Sebastian, because now that he is back to being faced with emotional walls and collected facades, he finds himself missing it. They still spend each morning together, but somehow, the time has lost a bit of its magic, and Nick's having a difficult time figuring out  _why._

At some point in late January, Nick exits Wilson Hall only to find that Sebastian isn't there waiting for him. Bewildered, he does his best to shake it off and heads out on his own, but he can't quite help the disappointment that curls in his stomach. Seeing Sebastian every morning has slowly become something for Nick to look forward to, and to not have that is...strange. Nick is suddenly overcome with a pang of loneliness, the quiet of the campus around him not as comforting as it once was. He misses Sebastian, misses the companionable silence and the shared smiles. He wants to know what caused him to lose that.

The dining hall is as deserted as usual. Nick moves robotically through the motions of gathering his food and filling his coffee mug, and tries to ignore how wrong it feels to sit down at an empty table by himself. His toast tastes stale in his mouth, the coffee burnt on his tongue, and he props his elbows up on the table and stares off into space for most of his breakfast. By the time it occurs to him that it's Saturday, and he doesn't have to get ready for classes, he's already back in his dorm room, where Jeff is still sound asleep in his own bed. Nick feels aimless, without purpose as he treads silently over to his closet to put his sweatshirt away. He is reaching up to grab an empty hanger when his duffel bag in the corner catches his eye, and he realizes with a twist of  _something_  that Sebastian's old beanie is hanging out of the pocket of the bag.

It must have gotten mixed in with his things as they were packing up to leave. The sight of it only heightens the part of Nick that is desperate to know where Sebastian is, what he's doing and why he isn't awake this morning like usual. Before he can chicken out of it, Nick snatches up the hat between his hands and stops halfway through putting his sweatshirt back on its hanger to tug it over his head and make his way out into the cold. The beanie is soft and worn between his fingers, and he jogs most of the way to Murray Hall in order to ignore the nervous thoughts swimming through his mind and the uncertainty in his gut. Sebastian had only mentioned his room number in passing, but Nick's  _pretty_ sure 116 sounds about right, and his fist is already raised and knocking on the wooden door, so he doesn't have much time to second guess himself.

The door cracks open a few seconds later to reveal Sebastian, his hair flattened to one side of his head and the dark circles prominent beneath his eyes. He blinks in surprise at the sight of Nick, and then a flash of what Nick takes to be apology crosses his face. He opens his mouth, then closes it again without making a sound, and Nick tries to keep things as casual as possible as he finally holds out the beanie in his hands.

"It's fine, don't worry about it. I just found this back in my room and figured I should—"

Suddenly, a head of unfamiliar, dark hair wanders past behind Sebastian, and Nick stops, because as far as he's aware, Sebastian has a single dorm and lacks a roommate.

The realization has heat creeping up Nick's neck, and he feels like an utter  _idiot._  His fingers fumble as they press the hat into Sebastian's hands, and then he is stumbling backwards a step as Sebastian looks on in confusion, his eyebrows furrowing for a moment until he figures out that Nick has put two and two together.

He opens his mouth again, mutters, "Nick—"

There's something in the tone of his voice that Nick can't read, but he shoves the thought aside, too ashamed and  _humiliated_  to take the risk of jumping to—what, conclusions?—again. All he can do is shake his head, mumble, "it's fine, it's fine" as he spins around and resists the urge to run down the hall and out of Sebastian's line of sight. Only once he has emerged from the building does he finally pause, slumping back against the brick wall and shoving both hands into his hair.

His face feels hot, flushed with confusion and embarrassment and possibly a bit of disappointment. Nick doesn't even know what his problem is, why he is reacting like this, but his chest is tight and aches with something that he can't name, and he desperately wants to brush the past five minutes aside so that he can ignore the sinking sensation in his stomach.

*

He spends the next week lying in bed each morning, refusing to head outside like he normally does out of the ludicrous fear that he might come across Sebastian waiting for him. It's completely inane, even childish of him to avoid Sebastian like this, but Nick doesn't know what else to do. He's hardly figured out what he's feeling about this entire situation, and he doesn't want to have to face Sebastian and be forced to confront everything.

Finally, as January winds into February and the snow on the ground slowly begins to melt, Nick pulls himself out of bed and hesitantly goes about his morning routine before making his way out of the dorm. The doors to Wilson Hall have barely clicked shut behind him when he spots Sebastian, seated hunched over on the front steps with his arms folded around himself to keep warm. Nick's stomach swoops uncomfortably, and he pushes the feeling away as he hesitantly approaches the other boy and sits down beside him, his feet scuffing quietly across the cement.

"Have you been out here every morning?" He asks. No greeting, no apology. Just a question, and Sebastian doesn't look up, but simply nods his head.

Nick stares at the line of his profile, taking in the angle of his jaw and the curve of his nose, the fluttering of his eyelashes against his cheeks. It's still dark out, their bodies lit by the light coming from the building behind them, and Nick exhales and watches as his breath fogs up in the air before him. He rubs his hands over his knees and says quietly, "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you."

Sebastian is silent for a long moment. When he turns to glance at Nick, his eyes have a soft, almost sad quality to them, and he offers a wistful smile before looking away again. "You don't have to apologize. I'm the one who gave you a reason to go running."

"No, you didn't," Nick replies adamantly. "I overreacted, and I was just being stupid. Don't blame yourself."  _Like you always do,_  he wants to add, but he doesn't, instead peering down at his feet. Sebastian goes quiet again, and Nick attempts to quell the nerves fluttering through him by picking at a thread hanging from the sleeve of his sweatshirt. The uneven thumping of his heart against his chest feels too loud for the serenity of the moment, and he almost wants to say something else to break the silence, but then he becomes distracted by the touch of fingers against his own, and he snaps his head up.

Sebastian is gently grasping his hand, uncurling his fingers from his sleeve and cupping them between his own. His thumb traces the inside of Nick's palm, feather-light as it passes along the skin, and Nick suddenly can't  _breathe,_  his throat closing up and any ability to form words leaving him.

Drawing his hand in closer, Sebastian runs each of his fingers along the inside of Nick's wrist, the edge of his palm. He quietly begins to speak, but his touch never falters. "You weren't being stupid," he murmurs, his gaze following the path of his fingers as they trace Nick's own. "I did what I always do, and I tried to...fill this  _hole,_  overcome the confusion, with something else. I screw things up a lot, Nick."

A minute passes, then another, and Sebastian's thumb has stopped to rest against Nick's life line, a gentle, unyielding pressure that warms Nick all the way through.

"You've been here all week," he whispers, and Sebastian finally looks up, shrugging his shoulders.

"You came out here, didn't you?"

Sebastian's voice is quiet, and Nick takes a careful moment to slot their fingers together completely, his head inclining in a nod. "That I did."


End file.
